The Surprising Reason Some Marriages Fail

Why do couples who marry after being together for many years divorce so soon after they officially tie the knot?

Expectations On the surface, it is pretty weird but if you answer
 these two questions it begins to make sense.

 Question 1 is “Where do you get your information about  how married people are supposed to be and act with one another?”

 Question 2 is “Where do you get your information about  how people in a committed relationship are supposed to  be and act with each other?

 If you are like most people, you answer question 1 with
 something about watching my own parents when they
 interacted. You also watched other married people both
in your life and in books, TV and other media. You
probably even said to yourself “When I get married I
will never…” and “When I get married I will finally get
to…” In short, you know what marriage is supposed to be
like.

When you answer question 2, it’s a different story. You
probably didn’t see many of those when you were growing
up. If you did see media about unmarried, committed
couples you probably did not pay much attention to the
fact that the couples were not officially married.
People did not talk a lot about it. You probably didn’t
say to yourself “When I live with a partner I will (or
won’t)…”

So when people start living together they rarely have
models about how it is supposed to be. They create
something that works for both of them or they don’t
stay together very long. They think about what they are
doing and whether or not it’s working. If it doesn’t
work and they are committed to one another, they keep
trying different options until they find something that
does work.

When a relationship has been working for long enough
they may decide it is time to take the big step and
actually marry. After all, fairy tales end with “And
they lived happily ever after.” They don’t say anything
about needing to work on a marriage to keep it strong.
Just the fact of being married is supposed to be
enough.

That is a double whammy because just as they married
all the things that they don’t remember learning and
knowing about what being married is supposed to be like
take over. Programming and assumptions take over and
instead of doing the things that made the relationship
work; they do what they think they are supposed to do.

Instead of being two separate people they try to merge
into one identity. That quickly becomes uncomfortable,
they decide they have made a mistake, blame each other
and soon divorce.

By the way, if this is something you or someone you
care about is facing, you can get very useful
information about how to have a satisfying and
fulfilling marriage in 99 Things Women Wish They Knew
Before Saying I Do
. It is filled with the secrets women
shared by answering the question, “What do you wish you
had known before you were married?”

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Posted in About Relationships, Communication, Difficult Communication, Fighting, Fix Marriage, Long-Term Marriage, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Save Marriage | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Marriage Counseling Breakthrough

I promised that you would be hearing from me soon. Here
is the first of what I intend to be many blog posts
this year.

Have you ever simply forgotten that you own a valuable
resource? Or did you remember it but dismissed it as
something that didn’t really matter? I am embarrassed
to admit that I buried something that I should have
been sharing with you. I just did not realize how
valuable it really was.

It happened this way. I had been doing marriage
counseling with Ted and Margo for several months. Margo
was getting increasingly frustrated that Ted just could
not seem to understand why she was so unhappy in their
18-year marriage. Click through and read the rest

Warmly,

Laurie

If you would rather just see what I buried go to
www.BooksByLaurie.com/stop

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Everything I Know About A Lasting Relationship…

Some things I have said and done come back to haunt me. Brian Weiss, the author of this blog post is my son. The article is about Jonathan and me. Yikes! Do we really appear this way to an astute observer? And I AM NOT (as he claims) elderly. However, we did actually celebrate out 54th wedding anniversary last September. J

sponge

Everything I Know About A Lasting Relationship I Learned From A Sponge
How a simple household item demonstrates strength of a lasting relationship

I’m going to digress slightly from my normal format here to tell a little story…

http://www.guyvorce.com/sponge-lasting-relationship/

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Breaking the Codependency Habit

Codependency is not a disease – it’s a habit! Codependency is a relationship based on a false premise or belief. The belief is that the needs and feelings of one person in a relationship are more important than the needs and feelings of the other person.

When one member of the relationship is an addict his or her needs usually take precedence. The addict is also a codependent and participates fully in the false belief system.

The best way to escape from a codependent relationship is to (read more on page 8)

http://www.thesoberworld.com/april14_issue.pdf    

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How To Improve Difficult Relationships With People You Love

What's the pattern?

Making time for relationships with your spouse and other important people in your life is challenging but vitally important for the quality of your life. So when you’re looking at the overall picture of your life it’s critical to think about how to get the most out of those relationships.

If you want to improve a relationship it means that there is something that isn’t quite working right; so the first thing to examine is…[see the rest of this article HERE ]

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Posted in Communication, Difficult Communication, Fighting, Fix Marriage, Marriage, Marriage Counseling, Marriage Problem, Relationship Advice, Relationships, Save Marriage | Leave a comment