It may not be in one’s view of growing old, but many couples are finding their interests growing apart. Some couples each “do their own thing” only to find they are soon living with a stranger. Others take up their partner’s interest, which they really dislike, and it adds to the incompatibility. A common playground can be difficult to find for the busy, professional couple these days
For many couples, I suggest reviewing their relationship:
- Early in the marriage, how did you spend time? What did you do for each other then?
- Did you, and do you now, act as if your job is to take care of your partner’s feelings?
- Does your relationship substantiate a belief you have about men, women or couples?
- If your parents did not talk much, do much together or seemed incompatible to you in some way, are many aspects of your marriage similar?
If this review pointed out trouble spots, are you willing to take concrete action to make some changes? You and your partner can visualize what you want in the future. Take 1,3 and 5-year increments. Share your visions and determine where they are compatible. Are you willing to use your free time together to share these goals rather than agonizing over your differences?
If your visions for the future are not compatible, and if you can imagine someone important from your past saying, “I told you so,” it could be useful to seek counseling. It could be that the marriage is part of a goal of proving that you can’t get what you want.
It would be useful for each of you to work individually to discover your reasons for being in the relationship, so you can achieve a compatible relationship with your present partner — or if necessary, someone else.
Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D. You can get more information HERE
[tags]Togetherness, Relationships,Communication,Relationship Advice[/tags]
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