“how do u stop ur partner from exploiting u and how to react to ur partners agression and apathy” from rooshi
I’m assuming that this relationship is about more than exploitation, aggression and apathy. If it isn’t, you should stop this kind of treatment by leaving the relationship.
My biggest question is how do you let your partner know that you feel exploited when it happens? Do you complain verbally? Do you ever say, “I want you to stop treating me this (specific) way!” to your partner? Do you specify how you want to be treated instead?
By specific I mean:
- “I want you to stop leaving your dirty dishes on the table and put them in the dishwasher instead.”
- “I am tired of buying all the groceries. In the future I want to share these expenses.”
- “I have been supporting your career plans. Now, I want to go back to school myself.”
Lots of people feel exploited in relationships but don’t talk about it directly. Since I don’t know about you, I have chosen common situations for my examples. Often when couples come for counseling they don’t even know that their partners have any specific complaints.
Often the partner who feels exploited says something like, “I did tell you, but you never listen to me.” Sometimes that means I dropped lots of hints but never actually said the words. Sometimes it means I said the words and you ignored them.
Sometimes it means, “I said the words. You reacted angrily or defensively. I didn’t know what to do, so I backed off.”
Rooshi, I don’t know enough about your specific situation to tell you what to do. My first suggestion is to keep asking for what you want and to take action (like leaving the dirty dishes on the table) to emphasize your point. Tell your partner why you are taking the action.
Caution! If setting these boundaries puts you in physical danger, don’t push. Either get counseling or leave the relationship.
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Is this you? “I don’t need therapy, but I could use some advice about…”
[tags]Relationships, Self Care, About Relationships, Boundaries, Communication, Difficult Communication, Relationship Advice[/tags]
