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Jan
06
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Confront behavior you consider dangerous or destructive.
Describe your own feelings about the situation. “I feel scared when the car moves this fast,” instead of, “You’re driving too fast.”
It’s natural to try to control a situation to protect either or both of you from danger. Unfortunately, trying to control (you’re driving) invites anger and resistance. Showing your vulnerability (I feel scared) often encourages your partner to take care of you by changing his/her behavior.
Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:
Remember a time when each of you felt angry about your partner telling you what to do. Think of something s/he could have done differently in that situation. Share your insights with each other.
This is an excerpt from Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.
January 11th, 2010 at 6:52 pm
Nice tip! I would just like to add that in order to handle confrontations smoothly, learn to interpret confrontations which can serve as an opportunity rather than a hindrance. So how do you reinterpret confrontations? Try to look at things from different angles; all of us have unique thoughts and ideas. Always remember that people will have a different point of view from yours. This will help you relax and handle confrontations effectively. Good luck!
January 12th, 2010 at 1:33 pm
Laurie -
How very true it is! Sometimes I think we cause so much more harm than good by avoiding confrontation. The anger builds inside until someone decides that they have had enough and leaves or the anger manifests into something that destroys the relationship.
Great Site!