Breaking Up: How Can I Get My Ex Back? (Part 1 of 2)

The following correspondence is with an 18 year old man in Slovakia. I have changed his name to protect his privacy and edited only for clarity.

 Jason’s 1st Letter

 Hello Laurie,

 My ex and I broke up two weeks ago on our 2 year anniversary. We didn't fight; we never fought and never were angry with one another. It was just that day she said that we need to talk. She said she didn't love me anymore and I thought she was only joking. Then we talked about it and I begged and begged.

 The other day I went to see her. That was the most begging and crying I have ever done. She told me the truth that it was because of her new friend that she finds attractive and she was scared she could cheat with him and ended it here. And then … what happened? We started to laugh and kiss and all that good stuff (no sex). And it was like friends kissing. I said that if I have a chance with her. She said yes.

 The other day I messed up. You see, we are 30km away from each other, she has school and her parents were pushing her away from me even though from 1 and 1/2 years I known her parents and it was OK with them and they bonded with my family as well.

 One day of November me and her family went to kill a pig a butcher him and all that stuff. The day after I left they told her I was lazy (her whole family, even though I don't know a thing in butchering or stuff like that).

 We saw each other 1 day in a week. (In all two years the math is like 1.45 times a week) Sometimes we were together for a week and it was every day a beautiful day with her. Like I said we never fought. The main anger in me is that guy because he typed to my GF (Marie) that he thinks he fall in love with her. And when they saw each other like from 4 to 5 times in a week (In school.) It could have triggered her feelings for me.

 This is where I need help. I followed the ' No Contact ' rule for like a week and something. I love her and miss her every single minute and when we are together it was always magical. I know it's me because I'm a bit overweight, lazy in house chores etc. But when we started dating I was way fatter. I'm 18 and she's 16.

 I've read books on this and everything. I'm going to improve my life and everything. I jog, go to the gym, I'm more helpful at home and all that stuff. I'm even finding a job to pay a drivers license, buy a car and live next to her if she comes back. I need your advice were have I gone wrong in everything.

I don't smoke, drink, I've never been jealous and never have I shouted on her or hit her. I know shes to young, but she is so smart for her age and everything. Please if you could help in any way possible. I'm willing sacrifice myself for anything just to be a stronger me. – Jason from Slovakia

 Response #1

Jason,

 The only possible way you can get your ex back is to stop pursuing her and focus on your own growth and development. 

 Congratulations on the good start you have made. The more interesting you make yourself through what you learn, how you act, and yes, how well you take care of yourself physically, the more attractive you become to others. If she fails to notice, which is very likely since she is distracted by people she meets at school, some other young woman will find you appealing.

 You should also learn to disagree without being disagreeable in any relationship.  Never fighting does not necessarily mean a relationship is going well. It often means that one or both of you is afraid to express your own opinion about what you want or how you feel.

 You and your ex both should take several years to explore the world before you settle down into permanent relationships.

 Laurie

 PS I will edit your letter and my response and post them on my blog.  I will disguise your identity, but I would like to mention that you live in Slovakia. That will interest my readers.

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