Help Me Save My Marriage: I Love My Wife But She Won’t Kiss And Make Up

In order to save your marriage it helps to understand why your wife might not want to kiss and make up after a fight. It may seem weird to you that she doesn't want to be hugged and kissed after a fight and gets mad at you for approaching her that way, but it's really a pretty common reaction.

When you fight you push each other away and disconnect from each other. To make up, like many men, you want physical closeness. That closeness lets you know that you are loved. For many women though, it doesn't work that way at all. Women often need to reconnect in other ways before they feel like allowing physical closeness.

Hugging and kissing her may feel to her as if you want something else from her rather than that you are giving her something. The answer is giving her what she wants first before you try to get what you want. The problem is you probably have no idea what she wants.

Since you don't know, you simply follow the Golden Rule which says to treat others the way you would like to be treated. And that backfires because she needs something different than you do in order to feel loved again. You can save your marriage by using the Platinum Rule which says to treat others the way they would like to be treated.

Different people need different things to feel loved. Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages suggests that there are five different kinds of things people need to feel loved. Some people prefer physical touch, others want words of affirmation, others want acts of service and still others prefer gifts. Each person likes one or two the very best.

You need to find out what your wife's favorites are and give them to her. Then she'll probably be ready to kiss and makeup. Read the book and talk about it. Many people have also found marriage saving strategies at http://www.BeingHappyProgram.com . If these things still don’t work, a marriage counselor can help you sort things out.
 

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This entry was posted in Care of Your Partner, Communication, Fighting, Fix Marriage, Marriage, Marriage Counseling, Marriage Problem, Relationship Advice, Relationships, Save Marriage and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Help Me Save My Marriage: I Love My Wife But She Won’t Kiss And Make Up

  1. Tara says:

    Looking at all the things which are occurring in relationships these days, we also will need to just accept that troubles and difficulties in general are normal in all marriages. Some of the stuff that the wives and husbands could do to help themselves out of the troubles in relationship is always to do away with pre-conceived ideas and try and prevent the urge to be right each time. Also lot of us get influenced by outside opinions and judgements which is not correct. Hope people know and stick to these which will make things better for them. Also I found a good article here marriage trouble signs. Have a nice day. cheers!

    • Laurie Weiss says:

      I agree. Often both wives and husbands need help developing the skills to truly listen to each other instead of trying to be right.

  2. Brittny says:

    On a side note whenever there are issues or troubles in a relationship or marriage, both the partners need to take effort to know the other partner increasingly more with each passing day. Usually imposing and controlling views and acts will only lead to more issues as well as conflicts. Approval and acceptance has to be there from both sides in a relationship.Also I found a helpful article here <a href='http://www.marriageisintroublehelp.com/signs_a_marriage_is_in_trouble_find_deal_them_now/&#039; rel='dofollow'>signs marriage is in trouble</a>. Thanks for the post & Have a great day.cheers!
     

  3. Giselle says:

    Nobody wants to be with a needy person. Pleading and being needy is unattractive and is only going to push your ex further away from you. It will only make them think that they made the right decision by breaking up with you. Giselle
     

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