This story published by Steve Goodier of http://www.lifesupportsystem.com truly moved me. I thank Steve for his permission to share it with you.

TRUE LOVE

I’m not sure I can always tell love from passion. One father said of his teenaged son, “I don’t know if he’s in love or in heat!” What teenager would know? Besides, feelings of attraction can change more quickly than a pouty expression.

But love, in its truest form, is greater than feelings. It is as much a decision as it is a feeling.

Love is what Mr. and Mrs. Strauss shared. Mrs. Isadore Strauss was one of the few first class women passengers to go down with the Titanic in 1912, and she drowned because she could not bear to leave her husband.

They remained calm throughout the excitement of the sinking vessel. They both aided frightened women and children to find places aboard lifeboats. Finally, Mr. Strauss, who had repeatedly urged his wife to claim a spot safely aboard a lifeboat, forced her to enter one.

She was seated but a moment, however, when she sprang up and climbed back on deck before he could stop her. There, she caught his arm, snuggling it familiarly against her side, and exclaimed, “We have been long together for a great many years. We are old now. Where you go, I will go.”

Where you go, I will go. It is a decision to be together, come what may. I suspect she said something like that to him many times before. Maybe the words she used were different, but the meaning was the same. I want to be with you. Let’s do this together.

Where you go, I will go. It’s a decision to love. It is deciding to be there, wherever “there” may be. It is a decision to sacrifice, if sacrifice is needed. And it is choosing to re-decide it all over again tomorrow and the next day and the next.

As the ship sank beneath icy water on that cold and dark, April night, the Strausses merely re-made a decision they had made many times before throughout their life together. They decided on each other.

Where you go, I will go. At the heart of true love is often a decision, made again and again, to face the next day together … hand in hand.

– Steve Goodier

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written by Laurie Weiss

Catch your partner doing something right and acknowledge it. It is easy to complain when something is wrong, but we tend to expect things to go right. Your recognition will be appreciated.

What you pay attention to increases. That’s because most people love to be appreciated and will automatically repeat behavior in order to be appreciated again. This is a very useful strategy for times when you are especially irritated at your partner but don’t want to talk about your anger.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

Only talk to your partner about what s/he is doing right for the next twenty-four hours. Tomorrow, discuss what you noticed about your thoughts and feelings during the experiment.
This is an excerpt from Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.

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Inform your partner as soon as possible if you will not be doing a task that s/he expects you to do. This avoids unpleasant surprises and lets you solve the problem of what to do about the undone task together.

Whether it’s grocery shopping, making travel arrangements or even changing light bulbs, inform your partner about any potential problem before s/he learns about it accidentally.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

Discuss whether or not this is a problem for either of you. If it is, set up a regular time to inform each other about upcoming changes. Do this daily or weekly depending upon what you need.
This is an excerpt from Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.

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Avoid doing anything that you know, from past experience, will cause your partner pain. If you feel you must do it anyway for some reason, Continue reading »

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Occasionally do a task that your partner does not expect you to do. Let your partner be pleasantly surprised that s/he does not need to prepare dinner or mow the lawn.

Regular routines can numb you so much that you forget Continue reading »

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Thank your partner for the routine things they do to make your life more pleasant. Does s/he wake you with a kiss and a cup of coffee, or do the driving late at night when you are both tired? Remember to say thanks.

Catching somebody doing something right instead of always focusing on what’s wrong is contrary to what most of us experienced in school and in the workplace. Behavior that you pay attention to tends to be repeated, so if you want your partner to Continue reading »

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Estimate your time commitments accurately. Tell your partner what time you are most likely to be home instead of when you hope you will be home (if traffic is not too busy and you make all the lights).

It’s a very easy to tell your partner what you think he/she would like to hear. Giving misinformation may avoid temporary disappointment, but it will create mistrust in the long run. Tell the truth even if you know your partner won’t like it.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

Practice being scrupulously honest about your time agreements with your partner for an entire week. Notice whether or not this is different then your ordinary behavior. Decide together whether you will make any changes in how you communicate about time after the week is over.

This is an excerpt from Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D. You can get more information HERE.

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Listen for hints about what gifts your partner would love to receive. Pay attention to what excites or delights your partner, and use that information when you shop.

What you think your partner should want and what your partner actually wants can be extremely different. If your partner is blatant about it, s/he may take you to a store to visit the favorite, wished-for gift. If your partner is subtle, even asking his/her close friends may be helpful.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

Talk together about creating wish lists. Go through catalogs together and mark all the things you each like. Make a clear agreement about whether you are just getting information or whether either of you actually expects to receive any of the objects you are looking at.

This is an excerpt from Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D. You can get more information HERE

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Avoid disappointing your partner. Don’t promise to do things just because your partner wants you to when you suspect you won’t be able to keep the promise.

It often seems easier to say yes to something and hope your partner will Continue reading »

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