Support your partner by listening to him/her express feelings of sadness about a loss. You probably can’t fix the loss or solve the problem, but just being close will help the healing process.

You may feel uncomfortable just listening to a problem without trying to help your partner to fix it. You may even want to tell your partner to get over it instead of moping around and feeling bad. Neither of these approaches is nearly as helpful as just listening attentively.

Your weekly assignment, should you choose to accept it:

Talk about how you have helped each other manage losses in the past. Discuss how each of you felt in those situations and whether or not you need to try something new next time.

This is an excerpt from Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.

TRUE LOVE

I’m not sure I can always tell love from passion. One father said of his teenaged son, “I don’t know if he’s in love or in heat!” What teenager would know? Besides, feelings of attraction can change more quickly than a pouty expression.

But love, in its truest form, is greater than feelings. It is as much a decision as it is a feeling.

Love is what Mr. and Mrs. Strauss shared. Mrs. Isadore Strauss was one of the few first class women passengers to go down with the Titanic in 1912, and she drowned because she could not bear to leave her husband.

They remained calm throughout the excitement of the sinking vessel. They both aided frightened women and children to find places aboard lifeboats. Finally, Mr. Strauss, who had repeatedly urged his wife to claim a spot safely aboard a lifeboat, forced her to enter one.

She was seated but a moment, however, when she sprang up and climbed back on deck before he could stop her. There, she caught his arm, snuggling it familiarly against her side, and exclaimed, “We have been long together for a great many years. We are old now. Where you go, I will go.”

Where you go, I will go. It is a decision to be together, come what may. I suspect she said something like that to him many times before. Maybe the words she used were different, but the meaning was the same. I want to be with you. Let’s do this together.

Where you go, I will go. It’s a decision to love. It is deciding to be there, wherever “there” may be. It is a decision to sacrifice, if sacrifice is needed. And it is choosing to re-decide it all over again tomorrow and the next day and the next.

As the ship sank beneath icy water on that cold and dark, April night, the Strausses merely re-made a decision they had made many times before throughout their life together. They decided on each other.

Where you go, I will go. At the heart of true love is often a decision, made again and again, to face the next day together … hand in hand.

– Steve Goodier

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[tags]Togetherness, Relationships, Care of Your Partner[/tags]

What you pay attention to increases. That’s because most people love to be appreciated and will automatically repeat behavior in order to be appreciated again. This is a very useful strategy for times when you are especially irritated at your partner but don’t want to talk about your anger.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

Only talk to your partner about what s/he is doing right for the next twenty-four hours. Tomorrow, discuss what you noticed about your thoughts and feelings during the experiment.
This is an excerpt from Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.
[tags]Care of Your Partner, Communication, Relationship Advice[/tags]

Whether it’s grocery shopping, making travel arrangements or even changing light bulbs, inform your partner about any potential problem before s/he learns about it accidentally.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

Discuss whether or not this is a problem for either of you. If it is, set up a regular time to inform each other about upcoming changes. Do this daily or weekly depending upon what you need.
This is an excerpt from Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.
[tags]Relationships, Communication, Care of Your Partner, Relationship Advice[/tags]

Something that is completely innocuous for one person may unknowingly remind the other of a painful past experience. When you bring it up, it may feel like rubbing salt in a wound. The first time this happens it is usually accidentally. Notice those accidents and avoid repeating them.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

If you need to discuss a painful subject, tell your partner why you feel a need to have the discussion. Next, ask your partner if and when s/he is willing to have the discussion. If your partner says no, respect his/her wishes and try again at another time.
This is an excerpt from Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.

[tags]Relationships, Care of Your Partner, Difficult Communication, Relationship Advice[/tags]

Regular routines can numb you so much that you forget to appreciate each other. Occasionally stepping into your partner’s shoes will reawaken your awareness of things you ordinarily take for granted.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

Do a task you ordinarily consider your partner’ responsibility. It might be making breakfast, setting up a social engagement, washing the car or doing the laundry. Talk to each other about what you learned by doing this.
This is an excerpt from Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D. You can get more information HERE.
[tags]Tasks, Relationships, Care of Your Partner, Relationship Advice[/tags]

Catching somebody doing something right instead of always focusing on what’s wrong is contrary to what most of us experienced in school and in the workplace. Behavior that you pay attention to tends to be repeated, so if you want your partner to keep doing the things you enjoy, acknowledge them.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

Spend an entire week only talking to your partner about things you appreciate about him or her. Avoid talking about any problems. Notice how you each feel at the end of the week.

This is an excerpt from Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D. You can get more information HERE.

[tags]Relationship Advice, Care of Your Partner, Communication, Relationships[/tags]

It’s a very easy to tell your partner what you think he/she would like to hear. Giving misinformation may avoid temporary disappointment, but it will create mistrust in the long run. Tell the truth even if you know your partner won’t like it.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

Practice being scrupulously honest about your time agreements with your partner for an entire week. Notice whether or not this is different then your ordinary behavior. Decide together whether you will make any changes in how you communicate about time after the week is over.

This is an excerpt from Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D. You can get more information HERE.

[tags]Relationships, Care of Your Partner, Communication, Relationship Advice[/tags]

What you think your partner should want and what your partner actually wants can be extremely different. If your partner is blatant about it, s/he may take you to a store to visit the favorite, wished-for gift. If your partner is subtle, even asking his/her close friends may be helpful.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

Talk together about creating wish lists. Go through catalogs together and mark all the things you each like. Make a clear agreement about whether you are just getting information or whether either of you actually expects to receive any of the objects you are looking at.

This is an excerpt from Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D. You can get more information HERE
[tags]Relationship Advice, About Relationships, Boundaries, Care of Your Partner, Communication[/tags]

It often seems easier to say yes to something and hope your partner will forget about it, than to refuse a “reasonable” request. Sometimes, you even want to do it to please your partner, but you overestimate your ability to keep your agreement. You will both be happier if you only make promises you can and will keep.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:

Each of you choose one thing you have promised to do, but that is still undone. Ask your partner what would happen if you never did it. If you decide to do it (based on your partner’s response), make an agreement about when you will complete it, and keep your agreement. Otherwise, tell your partner that you will not do the task.
Promise Only What You Will Deliver

Avoid disappointing your partner. Don’t promise to do things just because your partner wants you to when you suspect you won’t be able to keep the promise.

It often seems easier to say yes to something and hope your partner will forget about it, than to refuse a “reasonable” request. Sometimes, you even want to do it to please your partner, but you overestimate your ability to keep your agreement. You will both be happier if you only make promises you can and will keep.

Your weekly assignment, should you choose to accept it:

Each of you choose one thing you have promised to do, but that is still undone. Ask your partner what would happen if you never did it. If you decide to do it (based on your partner’s response), make an agreement about when you will complete it, and keep your agreement. Otherwise, tell your partner that you will not do the task.

This is an excerpt from Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D. You can get more information HERE
[tags]Relationships,Care of Your Partner, Communication, Difficult Communication,Relationship Advice[/tags]