Forgo retaliation about money. If your partner spends money in a way that upsets you, discuss the problem, instead of going out and spending to get even with your partner.
Retaliation can lead to financial disaster. Upsets about how money is spent often mean that you do not have clear goals and guidelines about your financial life. Focus your conversation on establishing these goals and guidelines.
Your weekly assignment, should you choose to accept it:
Have a conversation about how your spending patterns either support or undermine your goals. Decide if any changes are necessary.
If you enjoyed this article, Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week will provide you with much more information that I believe will be useful to you.
written by Laurie Weiss
\\ tags: Difficult Communication, Giving Up Control, Money, Relationship Advice, Relationships
Renegotiate financial agreements as your circumstances change.
Changing paychecks, changing personal and family needs, and changing priorities all call for renegotiation. Renegotiating means looking at how you’re currently spending your money and whether this arrangement is helping you reach your goals.
Then decide whether the new circumstances have led to new goals and whether a change in spending patterns is needed.
Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:
Whether or not your circumstances have recently changed, evaluate whether how you have spent your money in the past three months is helping you to reach your goals.
This is an excerpt from Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.
written by Laurie Weiss
\\ tags: Communication, Money, Relationship Advice, Relationships
Laurie will be interviewed on Barbara Dixon’s Spirit Speaks blog radio talk show. Her topic is “How to Nurture Your Relationship During These Changing Times.”
Tune in at 10:00 a.m. ET on Monday, March 16. by clicking the Play button in the box below:
You will be taken directly to the online player for the interview.
If you would like to comment or ask questions during the interview, you can call in at (646) 727-3956.
[tags]Relationship Advice, Relationships, Difficult Communication, Money[/tags]
written by Laurie Weiss
When “money” is a couple’s issue, is there any way to get past it and still have a loving and supportive relationship, especially if every other aspect of the relationship is strong and loving other than the ways of looking at money (particularly in tough times)?
This money question, from Jenny, describes a problem many couples face. Money issues can be especially intense because money discussions are usually about much more than just money. Continue reading »
written by Laurie Weiss
Use a computer system such as Quicken to track where your money is coming from and going to. You can use this information to make informed decisions about how to allocate or budget your resources.
When you make a commitment to pay attention to your finances, you almost automatically gain more control over your lives. When you discover how your money vanishes into unsuspected black holes, you will probably decide to make some changes.
Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:
If you don’t already have a system for keeping track of how you spend your money, create one now. Either purchase and install the software, or use a paper system. If your system is already in place, review your spending for the past three months.
This is an excerpt from Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.
[tags]Relationships, Money, Communication, Relationship Advice[/tags]
written by Laurie Weiss
Recession-Proof Your Marriage
Disclaimer: No, I’m not a financial adviser, but you need to read this before you get any numbers.
The first thing you need to do is to tell the truth about how you feel. You’re probably scared. We’re all scared about what this means. I’m certainly scared, and I’ve been through a number of recessions.
Partly I’m scared about giving up the fantasy of safety. I’m also sort of angry about giving up the fantasy that I’m entitled to live the kind of life I have been enjoying.
The truth is we’ve all been participating in an illusion, and when we face the fact that it just isn’t going to be the way it was or the way we wanted to be, we may feel sad and angry as well as scared.
For lots of us, feeling angry isn’t OK. People do various things when they feel angry. It’s best to use it for energy to solve problems, but the problems of a recession are hard to pin down. So you might block the anger out altogether and get depressed instead — or you might let it out in destructive ways.
You could do lots of different things with angry feelings and most of them aren’t good for your marriage.
You could actually get angry at yourself or your spouse for overspending or under-earning. It’s always easier to say, “If it weren’t for you I/we wouldn’t be in this fix.” It feels relieving for a short time — and it may even be true — but it won’t do anything for your marriage if you stay stuck there.
Of course, being angry at yourself won’t help your marriage either. It will just give you an excuse to go and hide and feel like a victim. You might decide to do more for others because you don’t deserve any thing yourself. And then you’ll feel even worse. That won’t make you very attractive or supportive for your spouse.
You could try Continue reading »
written by Laurie Weiss
Find out what makes your partner feel loved and do it frequently. Some people need time, others need touch, others need words of affirmation, others love gifts, and others feel loved when you do things for them.
Often you will try to show your love by giving your partner the very thing that makes you feel the most loved. When this works it’s great. However, each partner usually has different needs and neither of you understands why you don’t seem to get what you need most.
Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:
Have a conversation with your partner about what you each need to feel the most loved. Explain very specifically what your partner can do to please you.
This is an excerpt from Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.
written by Laurie Weiss
Talk about money. Discuss where it comes from and where it goes, and why.
Money can be a very difficult topic to discuss rationally instead of emotionally. Sometimes the very idea of talking about it makes one or both of you uncomfortable. If this is true for you, talking about money is an especially important thing to do.
Your assignment, should you choose to accept it:
Keep track of all of the money you each spend this week. At the end of the week look at your notes together and decide whether you’re satisfied with how you are using your resources.
This is an excerpt from Being Happy Together: How to Have a Fabulous Relationship With Your Life Partner in Less Than an Hour a Week, by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.
[tags]Relationships, Money, Communication, Relationship Advice[/tags]
written by Laurie Weiss
Consult a financial adviser if your financial situation is complex, especially if one of you has substantially more resources than the other or if you are creating a blended family. Professional advice can help resolve money anxieties.
If you are avoiding this, Continue reading »
written by Laurie Weiss
Five years into his second marriage, Jim was so frustrated with the haphazard way Cathy seemed to handle her finances that he was seriously considering divorce. Cathy wouldn’t consider joint counseling, so he decided Continue reading »
written by Laurie Weiss
