Are you a woman who has moments when you sometimes want to murder your loving husband because he agrees to do everything you ask him to do and then somehow never seems to get it done?
It’s even more frustrating when you gather your courage to talk to him once more, and he promises he’ll finish the taxes, or fix the leaky faucet, or paint the bathroom, or organize the sports equipment in the garage.
And then he has a really good reason why he can’t do it when he promised – or he just forgets – or he gets it almost done but leaves one critical piece [like calling when he'll be late].
Well, get ready to celebrate because I’m about to reveal the almost magical secret that will not only get those jobs completed but get you out of the nag role. And, relax, it doesn’t involve doing the job yourself.
By the way, this secret works with kids, committee members and service people as well as husbands.
Best of all, you can use it any time during the process of “promise to do something, forget, remind, forget, remind, make excuses, remind, etc.!”
It may seem kind of silly or unnecessary, but believe me, when you do it, it nearly always works. It does involve some record keeping and being willing to take a firm stand and not cave in.
It could be called a power play on your part, but that’s okay – it will be completely on the up and up because you’ll tell him in advance exactly what you’re going to do.
Next time you’re ready to remind him about the undone task, use this process.
- Ask him for a firm agreement – day and time – when the job will be done.
- Figure out who else could do the job – a handyman? A tax preparation service? The teenager next door? A plumbing service? – And how much it will cost. Resolve to take the money from a source your husband will notice but won’t be too tough on anyone – like your grocery budget – it’s okay to serve beans for a week or forgo your regular night out to pay to get the task done.
- Tell him what you plan to do if he doesn’t keep his agreement.
- When the deadline approaches, remind him of your plan.
- If he misses the deadline, bite the bullet and carry out your plan. Usually, you’ll only need to do this once to convince your husband that you expect him to keep his promises.
Of course, it could lead to a discussion of making more realistic agreements or creating a priority list of which things are really important or even a plan about what to keep and what to outsource.
So gather up your courage. I really want you to get this: Nagging and being frustrated is not the solution to getting him to keep his promises. Simply follow the steps I’ve given you, and you’ll be on your way to creating a new way to solve problems together.
More about Laurie Weiss
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\\ tags: Boundaries, Communication, Relationship Advice, Relationships, Self Care
