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Is One of These Myths 是其中的神话
Killing Your Relationship? 杀死你的关系吗？
Laurie Weiss, Ph.D. 劳里维斯，博士
These twin myths are like opposite sides of the same coin. 这两个神话都喜欢对面的两面。 They leave out the possibility of being yourself in a relationship. 他们离开了可能会被自己的关系。 The truth is that the only way to have a great relationship is when you give up trying to please your partner at all costs. 事实的真相是，只有这样，才能有很大的关系，是当你放弃试图取悦你的伴侣不惜一切代价。 Then you have a lot more room to be yourself. 那么，你有很大的空间表现自然。
2. 2 。 If a relationship is right, you shouldn’t have to work at it. 如果一个关系是正确的，你不应该有工作。
Actually, all relationships take work to grow and flourish. 其实，所有的关系，采取工作，成长和蓬勃发展。 That’s because relationships are like living things. 这是因为人际关系是喜欢住的东西。 If they are not cared for they tend to whither and die. 如果他们不关心，他们往往向何处去及模具。
3. 3 。 My soul mate is out there waiting for me, and unless I find him/her, I am doomed to never have the kind of relationship I want. 我的灵魂伴侣是有等待我的，除非我觉得他/她，我注定永远不会有这样一种关系，我想。
The truth is that there are many different people with whom you can build a wonderful, loving relationship. 事实的真相是，有许多不同的人，与谁，你可以建立一个美好的，爱的关系。 Your soul mate isn’t someone out there waiting for you; it’s someone you find when you devote time to becoming friends and getting to know each other first. 你的心灵伴侣，是不是有人在那里等着你;它的，有人找你，当你花时间成为朋友，并渐渐了解了对方。
4. 4 。 Falling out of love means that the relationship is in trouble. 落入出于爱心手段表示，日中关系是有麻烦了。
Many people think that being in love is all it takes to have a great relationship, but that is sometimes the worst predictor of success. 不少人认为，在爱是一切需有一个很大的关系，但有时是最坏的预测成功。 That’s because being in love is temporary insanity, designed by selfish genes in order to make babies. 这是因为正在恋爱的，是暂时的精神错乱，设计自私的基因，以使婴儿。
5. 5 。 If you really loved me, I wouldn't have to tell you what I want. 如果你真的爱我，我也不会告诉你，我想。
You may think that you shouldn’t have to ask for what you want. 你可能会认为你不该要求你想要做的。 The problem is that mind- reading is an inexact science. 问题在于心态，阅读是一种不精确的科学。 If you ask for something, you dramatically increase your chances of getting it. 如果你要求的东西，你急剧增加你的机会得到它。
6. 6 。 You should always act on your feelings. 你应该总是对你的感情。 Many things influence your feelings in a relationship. 很多事情影响你的感受，在一个关系。 Some of them have much more connection to things that happened in past than with how your partner is acting. 他们中的一些人还不止这些方面的事情发生在过去比怎么你的伴侣是代理。 You’ll make better choices if you think about the reason for your feelings and other relevant information before deciding how to act. 你会作出更好的选择，如果你认为对的理由你的感受，和其他相关资料，然后再决定如何采取行动。 7. 7 。 My partner and I feel the same way about everything. 我的伙伴和我深有同感，单程约一切。 |
8. 8 。 You should avoid hurting your partner’s feelings at all costs to preserve your relationship. 你应该避免伤害你的伴侣的感情，不惜一切代价维护你的关系。
Many people think that avoiding hurting someone’s feelings is more important than telling the truth about an irritating problem, but that actually perpetuates the problem, and often leads to the destruction of a relationship. 不少人认为，避免伤害别人的感情，更重要的，比说真话，约一个恼人的问题，但实际上是长期存在的问题，而且往往会导致毁灭的关系。 You get much better results by focusing on how to solve the problem without blaming anyone for causing it. 你得到更好的结果，着眼于如何解决问题，不责怪任何人造成的。
9. 9 。 Your partner is responsible for how you feel. 你的合伙人是负责你的感受。
You may think that other people can make you feel bad, but the truth is that when you realize they can’t do this without your cooperation, you won’t get hooked by their criticism or lack of respect. 你可能会认为其他人可以令你觉得不好，但事实的真相是，当你意识到，他们做不到这一点，没有你们的合作，你会不会上钩，他们的批评或不尊重。 People often feel angry because a life partner is treating them badly, but usually it’s because they have let accumulated small resentments build walls between them when all they really want is to be close to each other 人们往往感到愤怒，因为生活伴侣是善待他们不好，但通常它的，因为他们已经积累了，让小怨恨建造围墙之间时，他们都他们真正要的是可以更接近对方
10. 10 。 You and your partner should never argue. 你和你的伴侣绝不应据理力争。
People sometimes think that never arguing with each other will maker relationships strong. 人们有时认为争论从未与对方将会制造商的关系强劲。 What usually happens is that because we're human we have different needs and wants. 什么通常的情况是，因为我们也是人，我们有不同的需要和渴望。 If we pretend those don't exist and don't ask that they be taken into consideration, we feel disappointed and angry and hide our feelings. 如果我们假装那些不存在的，不只是要求他们予以考虑，我们感到失望和愤怒，并隐藏自己的情感。 The pressure of those hidden feelings leads to the conclusion that the relationship is not right for us, and we leave. 的压力，这些隐藏的感情，导致的结论表示，日中关系是不正确的我们，我们离开。 The truth is that when people learn to argue in healthy ways they tend to stay together. 事实的真相是，当人们学会辩健康的方式，他们倾向于逗留在一起。
More Articles by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D. 以上文章由劳里维斯，博士
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