How Do You Forgive?

To forgive is to quit hoping you can change the past. To forgive is to risk being hurt again. To forgive is a challenge that must be met. So how do you really do it?It's like giving up a cherished, but hated possession. It's heavy and ugly besides. You think you must keep it — after all, you have had it for so long. It's an heirloom. How will you live without it? After all, it is your job to keep it safe isn’t it? Hasn't it reminded you of your cherished values? How can you get along without it? Think it through. What would you do differently if you didn't have to lug it around with you? Would the wolves really come bounding through the door if you actually did something differently? Imagine not having your shield — this anger you hold on to like you hold on to the monstrosity you got as a wedding present. Are you still safe? Are you just scared to grow — scared of trying something new? As long as you hold your shield — as long as you don't forgive — you can keep pretending that you're safe. You won't have to try anything new. Consider forgiving on your own terms, not someone else's. You can forgive him or her and still walk away from the situation. You can forgive your tormentor, and still expect him or her to clean up the mess. You can forgive so you don't have to carry the burden anymore. You don't forgive for somebody else's sake. You forgive so that you can be happy now. But maybe you can't just put down the shield and walk away. Maybe the heirloom you hate was entrusted to you for safe keeping because it was precious to somebody else. You still don't have to keep it. Find it a new home. Contribute it to a museum. Once you get rid of it, you don't have to look at it every day and can find something more interesting to do. Instead of focusing on what you're angry about it, spend your time on what interests you or is fun now. According to the classic book, Love Is Letting Go of Fear, forgiveness is the key to happiness. Is this you? "I don’t need therapy, but I could use some advice about…" [tags]Relationships, Self Care, Boundaries, Relationship Advice[/tags]

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