Now that you’ve decided to divorce, you probably think that seeing couples’ counselors is complete waste of money. Well I’m here to tell you that nothing could be further from the truth. Seeing a counselor now while you’re in the midst of this turmoil will actually save you money in the long run.
The simple truth is that getting a divorce is not just a legal matter. No matter how clear you think you are, at some point during the process your emotions are likely to overwhelm your ability to think clearly and take care of yourself.
Instead of letting your lawyer do his or her job of managing the details you’re going to say something like, “After all she/he has put me through, I deserve _______.” Even if you fully intend to be fair, your soon to be ex spouse will make what you think is a completely unreasonable demand and you’ll come unglued.
You’ll be overwhelmed with fury or grief and think it’s about what’s happening now. But it will really be about what’s going on now and so much more.
Your lawyer dreads this part because either you become unreasonable and demand impossible things, or you become totally compliant and will agree to anything just to get away from the mess. Your lawyer knows this isn’t good for you and tries to convince you to settle down so that you can be properly represented.
Your attorney isn’t trained to help you manage your emotional outbursts and tries to logically explain what is and isn’t possible during a divorce. Or your lawyer will try to comply with your wishes and ask for something that inflames the other side. In either case you’ll be running up unnecessary attorney’s fees in an attempt to solve emotional issues.
Counseling rates are a lot less than legal fees. A good counselor knows how to help you communicate and understand the emotions you’re both feeling about ending what was once a dream of having a life together.
Seeing a couples’ counselor throughout the divorce process lets you use the rational parts of yourself to communicate about those emotions and understand where the unreasonable pressure is coming from. Often understanding your pain and knowing you’ve been understood is what it takes to become reasonable again. You can agree on what you want your lawyers to accomplish and let them do their jobs quickly and effectively.
Not only will it save you money in the long run, it will make it easier for you to accomplish and necessary communications after the divorce is complete.