Kirsten wants advice because she Is tired of the “stupid crap” she's been putting up with because of her husband's alcohol abuse. She's stressed by taking care of their three and four year olds in her in-laws home while he continues to get in trouble. They argued constantly, yet she refers to him as an ex alcoholic because he stopped drinking two months ago, that is until he used alcohol or pain relief which recently led to his second DUI. He is remorseful. She is confused.
Read Kirsten's complete letter here:
I told her this:
You are married to an alcoholic. Whether or not he's drinking he is still an alcoholic. Alcoholism can be viewed as a progressive disease. It doesn't go away. Before you can make any kind of a decision you need information about this disease and what it's like to live with someone who may always be one drink away from serious trouble.
The place to get this information is Al-Anon. This is a group for people who are in relationship with an alcoholic. It's free and meetings are available almost everywhere.
Website description: “The Al-Anon Family Groups are a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength, and hope in order to solve their common problems. We believe alcoholism is a family illness and that changed attitudes can aid recovery.”
Be clear that recovery that does not mean cure, but it does mean that people with this disease can live rich and rewarding lives as long as they pay attention to certain guidelines. If you decide to stay and he decides to follow the guidelines, there can be a lot of growth for both of you.
Talking to other people who are facing similar challenges will help you de-stress and think more clearly about your situation. Get to a meeting as soon as you can. You won't regret it.
Here is a link to the Al-Anon website description. www.al-anon.org/meetings/meeting.html Look on the bottom of the box for the link "How to Locate a Meeting"
If you decide to stay married, you will find information about building your marriage at http://www.BeingHappyProgram.com