Help Me Save My Marriage: I Love My Wife But She Won’t Kiss And Make Up

In order to save your marriage it helps to understand why your wife might not want to kiss and make up after a fight. It may seem weird to you that she doesn't want to be hugged and kissed after a fight and gets mad at you for approaching her that way, but it's really a pretty common reaction.

When you fight you push each other away and disconnect from each other. To make up, like many men, you want physical closeness. That closeness lets you know that you are loved. For many women though, it doesn't work that way at all. Women often need to reconnect in other ways before they feel like allowing physical closeness.

Hugging and kissing her may feel to her as if you want something else from her rather than that you are giving her something. The answer is giving her what she wants first before you try to get what you want. The problem is you probably have no idea what she wants.

Since you don't know, you simply follow the Golden Rule which says to treat others the way you would like to be treated. And that backfires because she needs something different than you do in order to feel loved again. You can save your marriage by using the Platinum Rule which says to treat others the way they would like to be treated.

Different people need different things to feel loved. Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages suggests that there are five different kinds of things people need to feel loved. Some people prefer physical touch, others want words of affirmation, others want acts of service and still others prefer gifts. Each person likes one or two the very best.

You need to find out what your wife's favorites are and give them to her. Then she'll probably be ready to kiss and makeup. Read the book and talk about it. Many people have also found marriage saving strategies at . If these things still don’t work, a marriage counselor can help you sort things out.

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